don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
