If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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