We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
