Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
