I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
