You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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