I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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