i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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