He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
3 2 1 whiskey
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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