ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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