i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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