he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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