If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
