If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
