You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
