now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
