I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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