I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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