Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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