He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
