So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
