Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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