Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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