ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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