Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
