hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
