I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
