Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
