if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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