i wish there were pregnant emoticons
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Randomize
