Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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