YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
