walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
