Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
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Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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