You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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