How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
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It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
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His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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