May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
