my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
