Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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