My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
