also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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