I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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