I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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