Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
