all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
