The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
