I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
