One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
