wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
