It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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