I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
