By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
His hands were made for my vagina.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
