you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
