the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
