I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
