Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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