He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
