guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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