She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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