he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
