What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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