just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
