So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
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okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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