Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
This baby is an asshole
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
