I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
