If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
