i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
