I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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