the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
