I need help removing her.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
